[he was expecting something filthy, given the sex toy talk, but this is an interesting surprise. stories aren't his strength, but he can repeat what he's heard before easily enough.
(he switches back to voice-to-text for this, so it doesn't take a hundred years.)]
there was an old man on teach's crew when i joined up
name of gant or gaunt or something
used to swear up and down he'd seen a beast that was half octopus, half shark
said it had two mouths where those creatures had mouths so it could eat from both ends and that it was bigger than the ship it dragged into the depths. he said the only warning the men aboard had was the sound of the sea starting to boil and by the time they figured out why, it was pulling their ship out from underneath them into water so black it made them disappear the moment they went under
[the whole ordeal of enduring and escaping slavery had shaved off some of the more pointless ways that teenagers are obnoxious, but by that point he was already fighting his way out of every confrontation. fortunately teach was quick to rein him in.]
but teach said i ought to let men have their superstitions if it gave them respect for the sea
I would still be obsessed with you. Eyes, hair, intensity? I wouldn't need to be a tiger for that to do a number on me.
If I wasn't a tiger I would still be the most feral girl you ever met.
[A pause, a moment. But then:]
If I was just a girl, I would be that dark girl, that girl that could have been a slave but wasn't. I would have been furious, trapped under my stepfather's thumb, sneaking out onto the beach for moments of freedom, going in the water, not letting anyone near me.
[he's silent for a little while at first. it's a bit of an exercise to work his imagination like this, but if he takes his time with it and she lets him, he can join her on that beach that never was.]
you would have seen me watching you
[even if he wanted to be careful about staring, she would have been hypnotic to him. sooner or later, their eyes would have met, and he would have refused to look away.]
i'd wait for that moment, and make sure you knew that i saw you
[She wonders if heâs ever had a relationship like this, where what ifs are more a game than a regret.]
I imagine Iâd know whose crew you belonged to. Iâd look you in the eye and stand up straight and I guess if I were a normal girl, some part of me would be a little afraid.
Afraid in that way that thrills. Like jumping off a high place into the water. Like a fight. I wouldnât want you to know that my heart was beating a little faster, so I think I would raise my chin. Look at you. Refuse to look away.
[it was the same thing that struck him about eleanor. but he doesn't want to tell her that, or think about it at all. he'd rather enjoy her words exactly for what they suggest.]
Iâd make you work for it. Even if I wanted you like I was a woman dying of thirst and you were fresh water, you would have to hunt me. Make it clear i wasnât something to have and throw away once you won it.
You might find me alone but I wouldnât let you catch me until I was ready.
[eventually. he has no doubt that she would have kept him invested in the chase, and the longer she did that, the more intense his desire for her would grow.]
i would run you down and make you admit you wanted me as much as i wanted you
Well, I was eighteen. But if I wasnât a tiger, I would have never met Asher. If I was still with my mother my stepfather would have treated me like a commodity.
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(he switches back to voice-to-text for this, so it doesn't take a hundred years.)]
there was an old man on teach's crew when i joined up
name of gant or gaunt or something
used to swear up and down he'd seen a beast that was half octopus, half shark
said it had two mouths where those creatures had mouths so it could eat from both ends and that it was bigger than the ship it dragged into the depths. he said the only warning the men aboard had was the sound of the sea starting to boil and by the time they figured out why, it was pulling their ship out from underneath them into water so black it made them disappear the moment they went under
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itâs a practical question, I guess. The kind of one that would have earned me a smack.
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[in some ways he hasn't changed much.]
i believe in dark water and animals that can and will kill me
but i sailed for almost twenty years after that and never saw anything like that, so i don't believe in half shark half octopus
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Well I donât believe it either
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[even he's not sure exactly how old he is. (or was.)]
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Were you a pain in the ass as a teenager?
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[the whole ordeal of enduring and escaping slavery had shaved off some of the more pointless ways that teenagers are obnoxious, but by that point he was already fighting his way out of every confrontation. fortunately teach was quick to rein him in.]
but teach said i ought to let men have their superstitions if it gave them respect for the sea
made sense thinking about it like that
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Sensible. That's how you gain the respect of people who are dumber than you.
Would you have been intimidated by me, as a teenager? Or would you have tried to win me over?
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[he has his suspicions, of course, but would rather hear her point of view.]
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I was confident. Sure of myself. I've always known I was beautiful.
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i was trying to prove myself then
[it's the caveat. objectively a tumultuous and often frustrating time in a person's life - she may well have found him insufferable.]
but you'd have gotten my attention and kept it, one way or the other
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Not that I don't like having you now. Having you any which way, any time, that's good for me.
But in fairness?
I would have been obsessed with you.
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what if you weren't a tigress
just a girl
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If I wasn't a tiger I would still be the most feral girl you ever met.
[A pause, a moment. But then:]
If I was just a girl, I would be that dark girl, that girl that could have been a slave but wasn't. I would have been furious, trapped under my stepfather's thumb, sneaking out onto the beach for moments of freedom, going in the water, not letting anyone near me.
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you would have seen me watching you
[even if he wanted to be careful about staring, she would have been hypnotic to him. sooner or later, their eyes would have met, and he would have refused to look away.]
i'd wait for that moment, and make sure you knew that i saw you
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I imagine Iâd know whose crew you belonged to. Iâd look you in the eye and stand up straight and I guess if I were a normal girl, some part of me would be a little afraid.
Afraid in that way that thrills. Like jumping off a high place into the water. Like a fight. I wouldnât want you to know that my heart was beating a little faster, so I think I would raise my chin. Look at you. Refuse to look away.
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better watch yourself then
the moment i could find you alone, i would
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You might find me alone but I wouldnât let you catch me until I was ready.
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[eventually. he has no doubt that she would have kept him invested in the chase, and the longer she did that, the more intense his desire for her would grow.]
i would run you down and make you admit you wanted me as much as i wanted you
with my mouth against your cunt if needed
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how young then
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So. Say Iâm eighteen. Virginal but wild.
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but i wouldn't have demanded it
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