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[chaz]

Charles Vane

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[chaz]

[he's silent for a little while at first. it's a bit of an exercise to work his imagination like this, but if he takes his time with it and she lets him, he can join her on that beach that never was.]

you would have seen me watching you

[even if he wanted to be careful about staring, she would have been hypnotic to him. sooner or later, their eyes would have met, and he would have refused to look away.]

i'd wait for that moment, and make sure you knew that i saw you

[chuffle]

[She wonders if he’s ever had a relationship like this, where what ifs are more a game than a regret.]

I imagine I’d know whose crew you belonged to. I’d look you in the eye and stand up straight and I guess if I were a normal girl, some part of me would be a little afraid.

Afraid in that way that thrills. Like jumping off a high place into the water. Like a fight. I wouldn’t want you to know that my heart was beating a little faster, so I think I would raise my chin. Look at you. Refuse to look away.

[chaz]

[it was the same thing that struck him about eleanor. but he doesn't want to tell her that, or think about it at all. he'd rather enjoy her words exactly for what they suggest.]

better watch yourself then

the moment i could find you alone, i would

[chuffle]

I’d make you work for it. Even if I wanted you like I was a woman dying of thirst and you were fresh water, you would have to hunt me. Make it clear i wasn’t something to have and throw away once you won it.

You might find me alone but I wouldn’t let you catch me until I was ready.

[chaz]

but i would have

[eventually. he has no doubt that she would have kept him invested in the chase, and the longer she did that, the more intense his desire for her would grow.]

i would run you down and make you admit you wanted me as much as i wanted you

with my mouth against your cunt if needed

[chuffle]

If you had met me that young, you would have been the first man to touch me, you realize.

[chaz]

[in fact he hadn't considered it until she said it, which is a stark indication of just how young most girls he knew were when they got started.]

how young then

[chuffle]

Well, I was eighteen. But if I wasn’t a tiger, I would have never met Asher. If I was still with my mother my stepfather would have treated me like a commodity.

So. Say I’m eighteen. Virginal but wild.

[chaz]

you would have known what i wanted

but i wouldn't have demanded it

[chuffle]

I know that. No matter how much you wanted me, you always want me to want you, too.

I’m smart enough to make you crazy for me. So you would want to keep me.

[chaz]

i know that too

[he knows it, but it's becoming more real as they talk about it. she would have gotten to him earlier than eleanor. which begs the question:]

would you have kept me

[chuffle]

Would I have kept you?

If I had you, I would have scratched out the eyes of any girl who looked at you too long. If I had you, in a world where it was you, and me, against the world? I would have done everything to keep you. I would have schemed and plotted and destroyed for you.

Especially since, knowing the asshole of my stepfather, he would kick me out the second I wasn't a good girl.

[chaz]

[that does seem to be the way of fathers for young girls who make their way among pirates.]

we would have run that whole fucking island together and held it

[he can say that because none of this is real. it doesn't matter if that's not true.]

[chuffle]

[It would have kept Teach on the island, she thinks, it would have changed everything. It would have made them powerful, the two of them together.]

The two of us? Yes.

The British wouldn't stand a chance, if we knew each other that young. Eleanor wouldn't stand a chance. If you and I could have guided and protected each other.

[chaz]

[he almost mentions jack, but changes his mind. daphne would have gotten to him first in that case, too.]

eleanor could have used someone like you herself

[a female role model, perhaps - someone to tell her to get her shit together that she might have actually listened to.]

[chuffle]

Everyone could use someone like me.

Would you have liked it? Meeting me like that?

[chaz]

[ain't it the truth!]

i think you know damn well i would have been obsessed with you too

but i don't think another lifetime would change that

[chuffle]

And you know I like to hear that.

No.

I think you're half my soul, I don't think it matters what kind of life we found each other in.

[chaz]

that's a good enough reason to keep believing in souls until the day his own snuffs out.]

hope this isn't the only one

[chuffle]

Me too.