[that makes him laugh, at the tail end of it; but he goes quiet pretty quickly, thoughtful over the weight of that. it's hard to imagine someone spending time with him just for the sake of doing it. and yet here daphne is, here she so often is, here she is whenever he wants her to be.
his hands pause with the knots, looking over at her.]
[She lifts her head, and looks a little surprised. It's not like she didn't have feeling for him back then, too. It's not like she didn't know that she could have fallen in love with him, and it wouldn't be hard.
After all. She did.
But it feels odd that it would be him, thinking that, when she had months to think about it and he just-
-left. Disappeared. Went into some black abyss of death where she didn't exist and there was no way that he could have known about her. She thought about it. Missed him.
He came back and loved her. Which means-]
Does that mean you loved me before you left?
[They weren't together for so long, but it's not like it would be unthinkable.
She knows, right to her marrow, that they were meant to be together. That the worlds and universes bent for them to meet. She wants to hold his hand, suddenly, but he's working with them and she really doesn't want to be that kind of distraction right now, so she presses her nose against his bicep in a gesture that's both familiar and loving.]
[the context is important, of course. he'd run into anne before anyone else, on the train after (re-)orientation. she'd warned him about irving. knowing that, it felt less like a reunion, and more like a confrontation awaited him. with daphne, he'd still been braced for a confrontation, but at worst he thought she might blame him for disappearing.
but she doesn't need the context, and the context doesn't change his answer to her question, which is:]
There was always the chance of that.
[she was practically bait in a trap for him, as far as the type of woman that has ensnared him in the past. jack saw it coming. if they'd had in duplicity the bond reforged by flint's war back home, maybe things would have been different, but charles can't imagine how he would have avoided falling for daphne. at best, they might just have handled it better.]
I didn't want to think about it. Took a while to let that go. But I remember that was the first time I had to put it out of my mind - when I came back to the city.
[She sets the sandwich down on the bag, now, and leans her head against his shoulder.]
There was always more than a chance.
[She says it with the softest kind of smile, and she closes her eyes.]
I didn't know. That you loved me that long.
I know you always thought I was beautiful, and I knew you liked me. But I thought, maybe, it was that night you killed those men for me. The first time you saw me high.
I know that I loved you for longer than I admitted to myself.
[hopefully he doesn't have to explain why - that he was afraid, at the very heart of it, of what loving her could do to him, given what loving someone has done to him already. and that worry is well behind them now, regardless. he glances at her again, returning the little smile.]
[She looks up at him, and she leans against his arm. Heās comfortable and comforting both.
Sheās quiet for a moment as she tries to figure out how to answer. Itās not that she doesnāt want him to know. Itās that itās hard to make the words make sense outside her head.]
I donāt know how-
[She harrumphs.]
I wrote you all those letters. I was trying to figure out what you were, to me.
I donāt know how you did this to me. And. You matter. The thought of it has been sitting in my head. You matter to me.
[She doesnāt know why this is making her flustered.]
[it's why that fear is behind him; from the moment he put his trust in her, she's protected it, with all a tiger's instincts. he certainly doesn't need comforting. maybe she does.]
Daphne... [he lifts his hand, touches it beneath her chin, to coax up her head from his shoulder.] I do love you. Whatever I can do to convince this city to keep me by your side, I'll do it.
[Every time he says those words her heart lurches a little, like it wants to dive into his hands and stay there, because it would be safer than her chest.
She opens her mouth just a little bit, and she kisses him, then, and goes back to swinging her legs.]
Iām being absurd.
[She says it with a smile, though.]
Youāve never done anything that would suggest Iām anything but the most important person here for you.
[if she hadn't already made it clear that she's in an introspective mood, that phrasing might have breezed right past him without raising any flags. but because they're sitting here, being thoughtful, he notices.]
[his eyes narrow at her a little, not following what she's worried about. if anything, it sounds better than you died 300 years ago; we were over before this started.]
So find me.
[she's not going to remember, and neither is he; this is one of those hypothetical fantasy things. he's been getting better at those. relying on them more. they're helpful, to get through the unknowns around here.]
What is it you want? What can I offer you for comfort, here, where we both are, together?
[his brow remains furrowed, because putting concern aside is easier said than done. he can't dwell on the unfortunate realities of this place; living in duplicity is like life at sea, where it can be exhilarating and the rewards are often great, but at any moment the situation could change for the worse. they're always one breath away from something irreversible. it's a hell of a way to live.
that uncertainty has always been a part of his life. daphne has a tiger's entitlement, even against her better judgment, demanding that the world itself either fall in line or get out of the way. it's super fucking hot, but he doesn't want to see it break her heart.]
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She recognizes his moods and his ease as much as anything. There are times heās not so receptive, but itās never with her.]
It was one day, when I realized that even if you and I spending time together didnāt end in sex, it was still going to be the best part of my day.
[She takes another bite, chews.]
That sitting with you and watching you do something I absolutely have no skill in didnāt bore me like it does with most everyone else.
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his hands pause with the knots, looking over at her.]
Do you know when I knew?
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It wasn't after you fucked me the first time?
[She's teasing, and she takes a sip of his water, and kicks her feet a little.]
Tell me when you knew.
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When I came back. I almost went to find you before Jack.
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After all. She did.
But it feels odd that it would be him, thinking that, when she had months to think about it and he just-
-left. Disappeared. Went into some black abyss of death where she didn't exist and there was no way that he could have known about her. She thought about it. Missed him.
He came back and loved her. Which means-]
Does that mean you loved me before you left?
[They weren't together for so long, but it's not like it would be unthinkable.
She knows, right to her marrow, that they were meant to be together. That the worlds and universes bent for them to meet. She wants to hold his hand, suddenly, but he's working with them and she really doesn't want to be that kind of distraction right now, so she presses her nose against his bicep in a gesture that's both familiar and loving.]
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but she doesn't need the context, and the context doesn't change his answer to her question, which is:]
There was always the chance of that.
[she was practically bait in a trap for him, as far as the type of woman that has ensnared him in the past. jack saw it coming. if they'd had in duplicity the bond reforged by flint's war back home, maybe things would have been different, but charles can't imagine how he would have avoided falling for daphne. at best, they might just have handled it better.]
I didn't want to think about it. Took a while to let that go. But I remember that was the first time I had to put it out of my mind - when I came back to the city.
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There was always more than a chance.
[She says it with the softest kind of smile, and she closes her eyes.]
I didn't know. That you loved me that long.
I know you always thought I was beautiful, and I knew you liked me. But I thought, maybe, it was that night you killed those men for me. The first time you saw me high.
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[hopefully he doesn't have to explain why - that he was afraid, at the very heart of it, of what loving her could do to him, given what loving someone has done to him already. and that worry is well behind them now, regardless. he glances at her again, returning the little smile.]
What's got you thinking back?
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Sheās quiet for a moment as she tries to figure out how to answer. Itās not that she doesnāt want him to know. Itās that itās hard to make the words make sense outside her head.]
I donāt know how-
[She harrumphs.]
I wrote you all those letters. I was trying to figure out what you were, to me.
I donāt know how you did this to me. And. You matter. The thought of it has been sitting in my head. You matter to me.
[She doesnāt know why this is making her flustered.]
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[it's why that fear is behind him; from the moment he put his trust in her, she's protected it, with all a tiger's instincts. he certainly doesn't need comforting. maybe she does.]
Daphne... [he lifts his hand, touches it beneath her chin, to coax up her head from his shoulder.] I do love you. Whatever I can do to convince this city to keep me by your side, I'll do it.
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She opens her mouth just a little bit, and she kisses him, then, and goes back to swinging her legs.]
Iām being absurd.
[She says it with a smile, though.]
Youāve never done anything that would suggest Iām anything but the most important person here for you.
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You're the most important person to me anywhere.
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She canāt lose him.
She canāt. He says things like this, and she wants to tell him the same.
But he knows. He has to know.]
If you were with me. Back home. We donāt really have pirates.
Iād have to find you.
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So find me.
[she's not going to remember, and neither is he; this is one of those hypothetical fantasy things. he's been getting better at those. relying on them more. they're helpful, to get through the unknowns around here.]
What is it you want? What can I offer you for comfort, here, where we both are, together?
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[She says it without any heat, and she doesnāt sound sad, either. She just sounds slightly wistful, slightly unsure.]
Sometimes being with you is all I can do.
[A quiet pause.]
Donāt worry.
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that uncertainty has always been a part of his life. daphne has a tiger's entitlement, even against her better judgment, demanding that the world itself either fall in line or get out of the way. it's super fucking hot, but he doesn't want to see it break her heart.]
No promises.
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Then how about this?
I'll shift, and stay here with you, and I think when I shift back, things may look easier.
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I wouldn't say no to the tigress.